Technologically Challenged

By Patricia Quigley

I checked. I swear I checked.

When I sent out a LinkedIn request to about a dozen friends and associates a few months ago, I saw all the boxes of my email contacts checked and I promise I unchecked them. Then I went through them one by one and carefully selected the people I wanted to connect to. I did not check every electronic contact I had ever made in my life.

Honest.

That, of course, does not explain why someone (Me? Linked In? Gremlins?) sent requests to join my network to more than 1,200 people, many of whom I did not even know but who must have at one time been included on an email of which I also was a recipient.

One was Dr. X, whom I’ve never met nor written to, but who is a friend of a doctor friend of mine. Two were men I once dated (Can you spell mortification? Both got back to me. One is a friend so it was no big deal, but the other I’m afraid I did not end things well with and I was fearful that inadvertent contact was awkward.) One was a colleague’s husband. “Why did you contact Jack?” she wanted to know.) I walked around for a couple of days worried that somehow a man I was interested in also got a request and would think I was pushy. I spent hours, with the help of said colleague and wife of Jack, trying to rescind the invitations one by one. Some had gotten through anyway. What fun.

Last year, in the throes of fascination with U2, I butt-dialed a man in my life using my cell phone. Driving back from lunch, I kept replaying a song I loved, not knowing he was on the line. I felt really bad that he kept hearing me join Bono in singing “but I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” It really wasn’t a hint, but as it turned out, I hadn’t found what I was looking for.

Then, of course, there is the case of emails. I have a bit of a reputation where I work. Apparently I, at one time, had more emails than just about everyone among maybe 1,000 co-workers. It’s not that I received more, mind you, just that I really hated to get rid of them. I mean I couldn’t predict when I might need some esoteric bit of information three years from now, could I? Happily, our tech team is remarkably tolerant and talented and has walked me through repairs after I crashed my system several times. That wonderful team figured out how to back up my emails in a way that wouldn’t panic me, keeping them out of my Inbox, but accessible with a day’s notice. I am trying to remain on the straight and narrow and kill more as they come in.

Let me make it clear. I am fascinated with technology. I see it as a tool to further communication. And I LOVE communication. I’m a writer. And a talker. And pretty darned friendly.

Rumor has it I’m also OK in the IQ department, far from brilliant but generally not too slow. So what I don’t get is why I seem to have so many techie faux pas under my belt. It is frustrating. And more than a little embarrassing.

A few weeks ago, I again inadvertently dialed someone while I was driving. You may have guessed by now that when I drive, I am inclined to sing. That someone happened to be one of the most adorable men in South Jersey. I happen not to be one of the best singers in South Jersey. A few hours after I got out of the car, I checked my phone and it indicated I had called him. I knew I had not. Turns out an accident of the cellular sort happened again, one that apparently had me bellowing some 70s song for him to hear. I was not amused. I apologized because—though I have done a few goofy things over a guy in my life—I really did not want him to think I would randomly call him and sing.

I suspect I will continue to have techno glitches. When I thought about writing about my electronic and related escapades, I asked people for tips on how to avoid them in the future. Some friends and co-workers had great suggestions. But I think my options are limited to conducting all conversations face-to-face. Absent that, I’ll need to invest in a high-end pen and some really pretty stationery.

Patricia Quigley is an award-winning public relations practitioner and journalist, proud South Jersey girl and middle-of-the-pack Boomer. She holds a BA in communications and an MA in writing from Rowan University and has written for local, regional, national and international media.

New advances in cosmetic dentistry are taking patients’ looks, preferences and comfort into consideration.

Like other specialties in the field of medicine, dentistry continues to move forward with new innovations. Continual research has produced many state-of-the-art materials and procedures in cosmetic dentistry and our experts share a sampling of what is available here and now.

Strength

Laura Kelly
President and Owner of LK Dental Studio
San Ramon, CA

Ms. Kelly was the first woman and the first non-dentist to serve as president of the American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry. She also serves on the Nominating and Leadership Development Committee for the AACD.

e.max
Previously, strength was something typically sacrificed for aesthetics, and this has been accomplished nicely with e.max.
We are seeing more and more patients requesting stronger, more life-like, natural appearing and whiter materials to have their non-metal crowns, bridges and veneers made from, and e.max enhances aesthetics and improves strength when compared to previous all-ceramic materials. The natural effects and wide range of colors match patients’ existing surrounding natural teeth.

In the past, when patients went through a whitening process, crowns or veneers were sometimes difficult to match their newly whitened teeth. Now we have the materials and expertise to match even the lightest of shades. To get that perfect match, we hand-layer the e.max material; customizing it for every patient, while maximizing both strength and aesthetics.

Art Mirrors Nature

Stephen J. Markus, DMD
Owner of The Center for Dentistry
Haddon Heights, NJ

Dr. Markus is a nationally known cosmetic and implant dentist, author, teacher, speaker and creator of The Edge Veneers and Crowns. He has been repeatedly recognized by dentists surveyed for Philadelphia Magazine as a Top Cosmetic Dentist in South Jersey. His website explains and illustrates the science and art of cosmetic dentistry.

The Edge
What separates a gold medal from no medal at all can be a fraction of a second or inch. What separates average cosmetic dentistry from extreme makeovers is often that last little millimeter of tooth, or The Edge: the two edges of every crown and veneer, where they meet the gum—and where they meet the eye.

Many of my patients tell me they don’t want their smile to look artificial. I developed The Edge Veneers because I wanted my work to look less mass produced…less “stamped out.” There are many different trademarked veneers, but The Edge is different because of the individuality given to every tooth, and the fact that each tooth flows directly out of the gum.

Another bonus is that treatment perceived by a patient as complex might be simpler than they think, with most cases completed in just a few weeks. And “the impossible” might take just a few months.

We’ve been performing smile makeovers since 1979, and because we understand the relationship between form and function, our patients don’t experience breakage.

Another “edge” we provide to our patients is that all dental specialties are under one roof, including sedation. Also, I am very cognizant of the patient-experience and am extremely empathetic. The technique I use for numbing is so gentle, the patient often has no idea I’ve slipped the Lidocaine past them!

Comfort

Daniele Bonafiglia-Wirth
Vice President of BonaDent Dental Laboratories
Seneca Falls, NY

Ms. Bonafiglia-Wirth is a fourth generation member of the founding Bonafiglia family. A magna cum laude graduate of Columbia University, she now serves as the company’s Vice President of Business Development.

Digital Dentistry
One of the most exciting innovations we’ve seen is the emergence and growth of digital dentistry. This new technology has been introduced into multiple phases of dentistry and it has meant great things for our dentists and their patients.

Digital impressions are a new technique that replaces the traditional tray and putty system. Digital impressions allow the dentist to scan the patient’s mouth rather than having the patient bite down into the putty-like impression material. This makes the patient’s experience more comfortable (no more uncomfortable gooey impression material), faster, predictable and ultimately, they’ll receive a more life-like and aesthetic result.

Digital photography is another exciting advancement. It allows dentists to take photos of the patient’s smile and teeth in order to communicate shade, contour and characterization. Both of these technologies can be emailed directly to our dental lab, expediting the process and reducing turnaround times (the time a patient is without their final restoration).

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LEARN MORE ABOUT IT

Laura Kelly
LK Dental Studio
www.lkdentalstudio.com

Stephen J. Markus, DMD
Center for Dentistry
www.TheEdgeSmiles.com
www.SmileSouthJersey.com

Daniele Bonafiglia-Wirth
BonaDent Dental Laboratories
www.bonadent.com

How do you know when it’s time to take away the car keys? To bring in help? To move your parents out of their home? To obtain power of attorney?

By Rozanne Gelbinovich

As your parents age, you may find yourself coming to terms with some tough decisions about their care. Overwhelming doesn’t begin to describe it. So Girlfriendz is here to help. We asked our experts to share their knowledge on the questions that might be plaguing you. Here’s what they had to say:

Q: How do you know when it’s time to bring help in for your parents?
A: “If your parents are having difficulty with daily tasks, that’s a red flag,” says Lisa Ciquero, Founder and CEO of Personally Yours Senior & Support Services, a family owned and operated agency that provides in-home, non-medical companion care. “Other things to notice: are your parents becoming lax? Do they no longer have interest in things that once made them happy? Are there changes or disinterest in bathing, dressing, eating, or taking medication? Are mail and trash piling up? These could all be signs.

“Bringing someone in could be helpful if your loved one would benefit from a friendly social visit due to loneliness and depression. In-home assistance is not just for tasks. It can be a simple car ride to go out to lunch, a movie or the hair salon. Just a change in scenery can make a world of difference.”

According to Bonnie Smith, marketing manager for Comfort Keepers Glassboro, it might be a good idea to bring in some help “when you notice your loved one has lost weight, or has pretty much stopped cooking for him or herself.”

Comfort Keepers Glassboro and Haddonfield both provide in-home care and an around-the-clock system called the SafetyChoice® Personal Emergency Response System and medication dispenser.
Other signs, according to Smith, can be if your parents have fallen recently, or if they’re just getting home from a hospital or rehab stay. What is most important is keeping them safe so they are able to continue living in their home as long as they’d like to.”

Q: How do you know when it’s time to move your parents out of their house?
A: “Moving your loved one into an assisted living facility (ALF) is a very personal and individual decision they have to make themselves,” says Jodi Goldberg, MSW, LSW, owner of HomeInstead of Gloucester County. “They have to look at the pros and cons of leaving their home. For example, is it more of a social need or financial? Do they want more structure in their lives or not? Do they want community meals and activities? HomeInstead helps families make these decisions. Our founders, Paul and Lori Hogan, have written a book called The Stages of Senior Care that gives families insight on aging-in-place. I give families a copy of this book at times. Also, some questions you might want to ask when making this decision are: Are there adequate finances? Is there a loss of independence, a loss of old friends and/or a loss of possessions when making this move? It’s never an easy decision to make.”

HomeInstead of Gloucester County and Camden & Burlington County both offer services like companionship, meal preparation, light housekeeping and medication reminders.
According to Helene Weinstein of 5 Star Senior Living, “It’s time to consider moving your parents out of their house after the death of a spouse, if they have had multiple falls, if there is decreased safety awareness, poor nutrition, decreased vision, loneliness, inability to manage household responsibilities and/or lack of family support. Signs also could include a change in mental status, the need for help with activities of daily living, memory loss and/or loss of independence.”

5 Star Senior Living’s ALFs are located in Cherry Hill, Voorhees and Washington Township. Each offers an active lifestyle with fine dining, trips, fitness programs and entertainment along with personal care and assistance with everyday activities.

“Assisted living communities — and I say ‘communities’ because the word ‘facility’ has such a negative connotation — are an ideal option for many seniors,” notes Wendy Pester of Homewatch CareGivers South Jersey, an agency that provides non-medical, in-home care and support. “One only needs to visit a few of our local assisted living communities to know they are NOT facilities, but vibrant, active apartment homes!

“Many seniors still live in the same home where they raised their children. Their friends have passed away or moved away and they no longer get the emotional or psychological support they once did from the camaraderie of friends and neighbors,” Pester adds. “In some cases, the in-home aide cannot provide the same level of interaction the individual once enjoyed. Socialization and remaining as active as possible are paramount to the overall physical and mental health of a senior. This is where the vibrant, active lifestyle of assisted living communities comes in to play.

“At Homewatch CareGivers, we consider all the needs of the individual when assessing his or her situation, and will refer him or her to assisted living communities when we feel it more appropriate.”
Another option is independent living. “Independent living is what I like to call ‘maintenance-free living,’” says Gina Mecholsky, sales and marketing director for Woodbury Mews Senior Living. “It is where you can have the benefit of quality time with friends, family and activities you truly enjoy. In independent living, you don’t have to worry about anything except what time you want to start your day and what entertainment is on the schedule. Assisted living is the same but with 24-hour nursing staff to help with medication management and someone to physically assist you as needed. In our communities, independent living and assisted living become places where individuals can thrive instead of just being maintained.

“As human beings, we are not meant to live alone,” Mecholsky continues. “It is very hard for the widow or widower to be alone. A lot of times, a house with memories ties an individual to a place where they only remember a happening instead of living a new happening everyday. Look for a culture that will support what your loved one enjoys doing and will help him or her enjoy new possibilities every day.”
“The way we describe independent living at The Weston Club at Sagemore is ‘the perfect balance of independence and peace of mind, in a setting of affordable luxury,’” says LuAnne Siwiec of Davis Enterprises-Over 55 Living Communities. “Some residents choose a one-bedroom apartment, others prefer a two, but everyone has a full-size, eat-in kitchen with an electric range, dishwasher, disposal, refrigerator and full-size washer and dryer. We also offer wood-burning fireplaces, roomy closets and private balconies. At The Weston Club, they can even grow their own flowers in our greenhouses! We also have a private club with a restaurant, heated atrium pool, computer center, fitness area, card rooms and a library. If that’s not enough of an enticement for your parents to sell their huge home, where they have to mow the lawn and shovel the snow, I don’t know what is!”

Q: How do you know if it’s time to start working with hospice?
A: “When mom and dad are terminally ill or when their health has plateaued,” according to Nicole D. Longo, director of marketing for CareOne at Evesham Assisted Living, “you should just try to keep him or her comfortable for their remaining time.” CareOne at Evesham’s philosophy of caring includes attention to social, physical, spiritual and emotional needs of every individual. Memory support services are available.

Q: How do you know if neglect or abuse is occurring?
A: According to Longo, you should watch out for “loss of interest in hobbies and activities, changes in mood or extreme mood swings, strong smell of urine, noticeable decline in grooming habits and personal care, unpleasant body odor and unexplained bruising.”

Q: How do you know when it’s time to take away the car keys?
A: “There never seems be a good time to suggest to your aging loved one that they stop driving,” says Lisa Grim, director of marketing and sales at Comfort Keepers of Haddonfield. “The only situation one can hope for is to try to pick the best time. Generally that would be when you are in the car with your senior loved one and experience a sensation of dread in the pit of your stomach. You may have seen them using poor judgment and their reaction times may be slowed. You’ll know when the time is right. It’s just a question of summoning the courage to do it.”

Q: How do you know if your parent should look into a reverse mortgage?
A: “The first question is: Do you want to keep living in your own home?” says Christopher Murray, senior loan officer for Oak Mortgage Company. “Talking with your parents about their finances is never easy, especially if you’re not sure how big the problem is. There are some red flags that may alert you to trouble ahead: your parent has limited assets, is reliant on Social Security, is racking up significant healthcare costs and they have a low to zero balance in their accounts at the end of each month. These are all tip-offs that open the door to financial discussions, including the use of a reverse mortgage to help them age in place.”

Q: When is it time to think about gaining power of attorney?
A: “It is never too early to have a Power of Attorney (POA) prepared,” says Leonard T. Schwartz, Esq. of Slotnick & Schwartz. “It is too late when a loved one starts forgetting things and has difficulty understanding what he or she is signing. If your mother or father is uncomfortable with the concept, he or she can always sign it, then put it away in a secure spot accessible to you if needed. That way, he or she does not feel they are giving up control before they need to.

“Keep bringing the idea up to your loved one until they finally understand the necessity of a POA.”

Q: How do you know if your parent is the victim of a scam? What should you do if she is?
A: “Seniors receive a number of mailings daily, leading many to believe they have won a prize and only need to pay a small fee to get it. In many situations, they are paying for a list of potential winners—and no prize. We have an elderly gentleman who comes into our office every few weeks with a handful of these letters,” Schwartz says.

“If your parents are victims of a telemarketing scam, it needs to be reported to police and to the New Jersey and local Departments of Consumer Affairs. If the scammer was given any bank information, that account should be closed immediately. If other identity information was given out, the three credit bureaus should be notified. If a contract was signed, an immediate letter should be sent to the company cancelling the contract or purchase and demanding any money back. The letter should be sent certified and regular mail. A lawyer should be consulted to see if a suit should be filed to recover any money paid.”

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Our Experts:

Lisa Ciquero
Personally Yours
www.personallyyourssenior.com

Bonnie Smith
Comfort Keepers Glassboro
856-582-1054
Lisa Grim
Comfort Keepers Haddonfield
856-857-6120
www.comfortkeepers.com

Jodi Goldberg
HomeInstead Gloucester County
www.Homeinstead.com/656
Fran & Jim Fox
HomeInstead Camden & Burlington
www.homeinsteadsnj.com

Helene Weinstein
5 Star Senior Living
www.fivestarseniorliving.com

Wendy Pester
HomeWatch CareGivers South Jersey
www.homewatchcaregivers.com/south-jersey

Gina Mecholsky
Woodbury Mews Senior Living
www.kapdev.com/p/senior_living/independent_living_4186/woodbury-nj-08096/woodbury-mews-4186

LuAnne Siwiec
The Weston Club at Sagemore
www.davisenterprises.com/davis_properties/apt_features.asp?propertyID=203

Nicole Longo
CareOne at Evesham Assisted Living
www.care-one.com/locations/careone-at-evesham-assisted-living

Christopher Murray
Oak Mortgage Company
www.christophermurray.oakmortgageusa.com

Leonard T Schwartz, Esq,
Slotnick & Schwartz Law
www.ssnjlaw.com

By Deborah Myers

It’s an inconceivable devastation—the greatest fear of every parent—until fate deals its unfathomable hand and makes it a reality: the loss of a child.

Three lives—each possessing infinite potential—each ending all too early. And though these young men rest in peace, their loss results in emotional devastation here on earth.

Channeling their grief to fuel their efforts, the parents of 3-year-old Erick, 17-year-old Anthony and 19-year-old Kenny are assuring that the memories of their sons live on, while enriching and saving the lives of others.

Sabrina Umstead-Smith
Erick J. Umstead was born on February 28, 1989. Just a few months before, a catastrophic fire rendered his parents—Sabrina and Eric—unconscious. Five months pregnant, Sabrina survived. But the tragedy claimed Eric’s life 30 days later.

“After the death of my husband, I had no time to dwell on my emotions. I had to focus on my pregnancy and the birth of my son,” Sabrina recalls. Astoundingly, all proceeded well, even to the extent that Erick’s APGAR scores were normal. “The suspicion started when I wanted to breastfeed, and Erick was not latching. The nurses told us there were complications, and things deteriorated from there.” Shortly after, Erick was diagnosed with cerebral palsy and mental retardation.

With pressure to obtain health benefits and the need to support herself and her newborn son, Sabrina had no choice but to return to full-time work. She relocated from Brooklyn, NY to be close to her mother, and to seek treatment for Erick at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. “I had such a wonderful support system with my family. No one in the world can go through this alone. Having people in your corner who are living this with you makes all the difference in the world,” Sabrina assures.

While grateful for the support, Sabrina still faced caring for a chronically ill child as a widowed mother, “I had to advocate for Erick above everything else. I had to be careful of how I felt, because I knew it would affect how Erick would feel. I worked, and I cared for my son, preparing what he needed for every day; processing his food so he could eat it, ensuring he had his medications, and managing his doctor appointments.” Eventually, she placed Erick in the Voorhees Pediatric Facility where he could receive 24 hour care. He spent the last few months of his life there, passing at 3 years and 5 months.

Not long after, Sabrina’s main source of encouragement and support—her mother—passed away. “Finally in 2004, I sought help with a counselor who helped peel back the onion of my grief, and that’s how Erick’s foundation came to be.”

Sabrina honors Erick’s memory with programs that provide finances, supplies and information for caregivers, pediatric facilities, and those who wish to serve the pediatric chronically ill community.

Ultimately, Sabrina plans to establish “Erick’s Place.” “My vision is to have a facility that not only cares for the children, but provides housing and employment for the caregivers. It is heart-wrenching having to leave your child in such a situation. I was close to Erick’s facility; some parents are not so fortunate.

“We all have something to share. Our experiences are for someone else, for them to gain courage from our struggle. If I could have one mantra, it would be: I am here to impart hope to someone else.”

Tricia Baker
Although the Baker family has mourned the loss of their beloved Kenny for three years, the years leading up to his death were anything but carefree. Kenny Baker was diagnosed during his freshman year of high school with clinical depression and suicidal ideation. A diagnosis of severe anxiety would follow. His mother Tricia recalls, “In the years between his diagnoses and his death, we were struggling to stabilize his illness. Unfortunately we weren’t able to do that.” Kenny took his life just weeks before his 19th birthday in May of 2009.

“Despite the fact that Kenny struggled with mental illness and Dyslexia, he was an honor roll student. He was incredibly smart and intuitive,” says Tricia. “But for years, every day he went out the door, I didn’t know if that was the day his life was going to end. You can’t explain that to anyone. To watch your child in that kind of pain is tremendously difficult,” she recalls.

After Kenny’s death, Tricia discovered that our culture’s ignorance concerning mentally ill children is extensive. “Our schools are lacking an understanding about mental health issues. More education is necessary among our educators. If they don’t get it, who will?”

In remembrance of her brother, Katelyn Baker came up with the idea of forming an organization that would not only address the issues of mental illness, but appeal specifically to young people. “We came up with the term ‘A.I.R.,’ (Attitudes in Reverse), because mental illness is like air. Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It’s all around us,” Tricia explains. The family works as a team to run A.I.R.

On May 19, the third anniversary of Kenny’s death, A.I.R. will hold its first independent walk. “’Paws & Peds for A.I.R.’ is a certified 5K race and dog walk, and will include numerous activities for dogs and their owners. Dogs have played a major role in our healing,” she says. “When you’re feeling down, you just can’t help but feel better when you’re petting a dog. They also provide a non-intimidating outlet for kids and teens to become involved and discuss mental health more openly.”

Claudia Farrace
“Not a day goes by that we don’t laugh or cry recalling something of Anthony’s life,” says Claudia Farrace accompanied by husband John. They lost their son Anthony on the morning of July 6, 2007. It was the summer preceding his senior year of high school. Anthony’s tragic passing was the disastrous outcome of reckless teen driving. The driver sustained minor injuries while Anthony, the passenger, passed away just minutes following the crash.

The Farrace family became active in raising funds for scholarships and driving simulators for Cherokee High School. The equipment allows students to get a true feel for driving. “We knew we had to do anything in our power to reduce the risk of this happening to another family,” said Claudia. “Plus, we wanted to keep his spirit alive and emphasize the things he stood for. That has been our driving force,” adds John.

A junior year assignment entitled “Where I Would Like to Be in Fifteen Years” offers a glimpse into his honorable principles: “… I wish that I can make a difference in the world, a world that needs people dedicated to preserving righteousness.”

“He would have graduated from the United States Naval Academy this year,” says Claudia. “He was willing to give up his life for his country. Little did we know, we are fighting a war right here. Vehicles are a weapon, and drivers need to realize they are taking the lives of others into their hands.”

Charlene Doud of the National Safety Council was affected by a similar tragedy, having lost her father to reckless teen driving five years ago. “Crashes involving teen drivers killed more than 5,000 people in 2010. Every day, more than 15 people die in crashes associated with teen drivers. They are the Number 1 cause of death among teens, killing as many as suicide and homicide combined.”

The HEARTS Network (Honoring Everyone Affected, Rallying the Survivors), initiated in part by The Allstate Foundation and managed by the National Safety Council, connects families who’ve been impacted by crashes involving teen drivers. “We put a face behind the statistic. Most importantly, the families involved can come together to receive support and advocate to help prevent future loss,” explains Charlene. “Claudia and John are keynote speakers at community events for the HEARTS Network. Anthony’s legacy lives on through the lives they touch and the ongoing impact they make to enact change in their community.”

Although there have been changes in New Jersey’s Graduated Driver License (GDL) Law, Claudia says more action is necessary, “The current GDL laws do diminish risk, but the component of having parental involvement and consequences is key. We teach our children what can harm them when they’re young, and when they turn 16 and 17 we need to remember that they are in the most vulnerable position of their lives.”

Claudia points to one of the motives behind the family’s activism—the words of Anthony’s uncle, Robert Farrace, written for Anthony’s eulogy: “Maybe you were here to show us how to be remarkable. And maybe we can best honor your memory by finding and unleashing the remarkable in ourselves.”

And so, the Farraces continue to keep Anthony’s memory alive, preserving righteousness—action-by-action—remarkably.

Deborah Myers is is a wife, mother and fitness activist with a flair and love for journalism. Her enthusiasm for family and healthy living has lead her to persue online publishing through Blogger, Hubpages, and Examiner in addition to publications in Real Life Ezine and The gazette of Gloucester County College.

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Learn More About It

Erick J. Umstead Memorial Foundation
www.ericksplace.org

A.I.R. (Attitudes in Reverse)
www.attitudesinreverse.org

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
www.NAMI.org

The Anthony J. Farrace Memorial Foundation
www.anthonyjfarrace.org

The HEARTS Network
www.NSC.org/HEARTS

Charlene Doud,
National Safety Council
hearts@NSC.org

By Michelle N. Hanlin

With 100,000 people dying each year as a result—the possibility of adverse drug reactions need to be on your radar.

Could your medication actually make you ill? According to Robert Gold, RPh, MBA, a shocking 100,000 people die every year because of adverse drug reactions. The author of Are Your Meds Making You Sick? A Pharmacist’s Guide to Avoiding Dangerous Drug Interactions, Reactions and Side Effects also reports that drugs cause 700,000 emergency room visits annually.

Some drug combinations can increase side effects, diminish their usefulness, or dangerously elevate their effects, which could potentially lead to a fatal outcome. Over-the-counter (OTC) medications are often just a lower dose of prescription-only meds, making them just as dangerous if taken in incorrect doses, or in combination with another drug with similar ingredients.

Let’s take Sally, 57, who takes the antidepressant Lexapro every morning. One morning she wakes up with a migraine, so she takes a triptan called Imitrex (a headache medication) for her symptoms. After four hours, her symptoms haven’t disappeared so she takes another dose. She begins to feel even worse, shaking and sweating. She decides to sleep it off, hoping she will feel better in the morning.

What Sally doesn’t realize is that she may not wake up. Her body has accumulated a dangerously high level of serotonin, an ingredient in selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). And since Lexapro was ranked the ninth most prescribed drug in 2006, with other SSRIs not far behind, Sally’s situation is not uncommon. “Currently no test exists to concretely diagnose serotonin syndrome,” writes Gold. “Diagnosis is based on medical history and thorough physical exam.” Call your doctor at the onset of symptoms, which could also include nausea, high blood pressure and hallucinations.

Another OTC medication to be leery of is acetaminophen (Tylenol). Taking two Extra Strength Tylenol four times a day and having no other medications in your system can lead to an overdose. The drug is the number one cause of liver failure and the second most common reason for liver transplants. Paul Goebel, PharmD, clinical manager of the Kennedy Health System pharmacy, states, “acetaminophen is a great drug, but you have to read the label.”

Reading the label includes taking note of inactive ingredients as well. Sandra Moore, PharmD, Corporate Director of Pharmacy at Lourdes Health System, explains further. “When you take a drug, it does not only contain the active ingredient, but also inactive ingredients such as fillers, preservatives and dyes. Some people can be allergic to the dye, or fillers such as lactose.” She recalls a patient who had a reaction to the inactive ingredients in Levothyroxin. Once the patient switched from the generic to the brand-name Synthroid, she was fine.

Drugs can also interact with food and beverages. You should avoid alcohol when taking any drugs, but you should probably also avoid grapefruit juice. “Grapefruit juice can prevent the body from processing other medications which can lead to dangerous levels of drug in the body. Most hospitals will not serve grapefruit juice to their patients. Medications like ibuprofen should be taken with food or milk to avoid developing an ulcer,” reports Moore.

Digoxin (also referred to as Digitek, Lanoxin or Lanoxicaps) is used to slow heart rhythm. It adversely reacts with several agents, (even licorice!) which have been known to reduce the drug’s effects. Even natural remedies can react negatively with drugs. Vitamin E, Ginkgo biloba, and ginseng slow the metabolic rate of blood thinners like Warfarin, consequently increasing the risk of bleeding.

I’m guessing that just about now you’re thinking about quitting your meds entirely. But don’t just yet. The good news is that even with over 100,000 dangerous combinations, learning how to avoid an interaction is possible by following these six steps:

Step 1: Keep Good Records
Women visit many specialists each year, making it a task to remember which doctor prescribed what drug, why it was prescribed and when. This common scenario could explain why 40% of patients currently take at least four prescription medications, and that doesn’t even include OTCs. Gold suggests downloading the easy-to-complete Food & Drug Administration’s “My Medication Record.” (See FDA Sidebar)

Virtua Health System Clinical Pharmacist Diane M. Pascu, RPh, MBA, BCPS suggests taking the completed chart to all medical appointments because, when filled out properly, it includes all your prescription medications, OTCs, vitamins, herbal and homeopathic medications. “This list should be updated as drug use changes. It is also helpful to include the use of tobacco products.”

Step 2: Share with Your Pharmacist
Goebel suggests you give updated copies to your pharmacist—that’s “pharmacist” in the singular—as it’s always advised to use only one in order to create a personal relationship with him or her. “I make attempts to counsel all patients. We take the time to develop relationships with them,” he says. Your relationship with your pharmacist is as important as that with your doctor. After all, you probably see your pharmacist more often than you see your doctor.

Sharing these records with your pharmacist is important because the information is entered into a computer database that screens potential medicinal reactions. Should an inconsistency arise, the pharmacist is alerted and can pass that information on to you and/or your doctor.

This “brown-bag checkup,” as it is commonly called, saves lives but is also flawed because many drugs won’t receive alerts until they have already caused damage to patients. Doctors can also waive the alert if the warning seems insignificant. Should you want an even more active role in your medication therapy, there are free websites like MediGuard.org that allow you to enter your medications, supplements and conditions, and inform you of any possible adverse interactions.

Step 3: It’s in the Blood
“It’s not just about telling your pharmacist what you are currently taking, it’s also about what you were taking,” explains Gold. “Medicines may remain in the system for prolonged periods, especially if the liver or kidneys aren’t working efficiently.” Because these two organs are responsible for eliminating medicine from the body, have your lab values checked as often as your doctor prescribes. “A complete blood count (CBC) does not test for liver or kidney values, but many doctors routinely test their functions. It is especially important to have liver function tests done before starting a lipid lowering agent, for example a “statin” such as Lipitor®,” explains Pascu. She also suggests having your values checked periodically if you are on medications other than statins, since lower doses of some drugs should be used if the kidneys or liver are not working well. “Age needs to be considered, even if your values are normal,” advises Pascu. “Just as children metabolize drugs differently than adults, so too does the geriatric population.” While expensive and time consuming, checking your values could save your life.

Step 4: Report Adverse Reactions
Goebel advises, “When you pick up your meds, you also get lots of information in the bag. It’s important to read that.” The FDA mandates that manufacturers place a black box label on each medication on the market. Such labels reflect patient experiences and medicinal studies. Unfortunately, many patients don’t report problems, and some drugs only need 600-1000 patients before the FDA approves it. MedWatch, an online database that allows doctors and patients to report problems, displays the under-reported incidences. For example, studies conducted in 2006 show that 10%-17% of people who took Amiodarone (also called Cordarone or Pacerone), a drug used to treat abnormal heart rhythm, would develop lung toxicity. This means 15,000 people could develop complications, but MedWatch only reports 101 cases. Even with just 1%-10% of cases being reported by doctors, patients can still be proactive and report their own adverse experiences to the FDA (See FDA Sidebar). Gold suggests that reporting is the most important thing you can do to protect yourself and others.

Step 5: Keep Informed
Sign up for the FDA’s Alert List to stay informed of any drug changes and recalls. (See FDA Sidebar)

Step 6: Less is More
Finally, take the lowest dose possible. According to Gold, “Seventy-five-percent of adverse reactions are due to taking too high a dose. Older people should already be on low doses, because as we age, our bodies absorb and expel medicines differently.” Rule of thumb: The lower the dose, the better your chances of avoiding drug interactions.

Even though caution should be used when mixing meds with other agents, Pascu encourages patients not to be scared. “All medications, used properly and for the right purpose, can be good for you.” Goebel agrees saying, “Don’t be afraid to take what you are prescribed.” Adds Gold, “Be an advocate for your own health. Step up. Don’t just assume that everything is taken care of.”

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Top 5 “Good” Drugs That Can be “Bad” for You

1. Naproxen (Aleve) is a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory (NSAID) used for pain and inflammation. Others include Motrin, Advil, Ibuprofen and aspirin. Overuse is the second major cause of gastrointestinal ulcers. They’re also hard on the kidneys. They should be avoided if you are older, have high blood pressure or abnormal lab values. Do not mix with Fosamax. Do not take in high doses. Do not take for more than 10 days.

2. Hormone replacement therapy can be used for menopause, osteoporosis, heart disease and colorectal cancer, but studies suggest it can cause increased risk of breast cancer, blood clot and stroke among other grave conditions. It can be useful if you have a serious circumstance (such as severe hot flashes) that can be remedied in a short time.

3. Digoxin, (Lanoxin) treats irregular heartbeat and congestive heart failure. Dosages should be tightly monitored because it has a narrow range. If the concentration goes slightly out of range, it can cause heart failure. There is a long list of drugs that could cause negative interactions with Digoxin including: Amiodarone, Quinidine, Ritonavir and Verapamil. When a new drug is added to your regimen, have your Digoxin level tested.

4. Metroprolol ER (Lopressor, and Toprol XL) is a beta-blocker that treats high blood pressure, heart failure and heart attacks. These drugs should not be stopped abruptly. Frequent blood pressure checks are advised, especially in the morning to avoid low blood pressure. If your morning heart rate is lower than 60, call your doctor.

5. Simvastatin (Zocor) lowers cholesterol and includes a black box warning listing various interacting drugs. The FDA advises doctors to start this potent statin at under 80 mg. Avoid mixing this drug with Gemfibrozil, (Lopid) or with Tricor, as it causes muscles to break down. Simvastatin alone can cause this, but when paired with Gemfibrozil, the muscles can break down much more quickly. When taking a statin report muscle pain to your doctor and have a lipid panel and lab values checked.

Important Note: Always check with your doctor when it comes to medications and your health. Never start or stop taking any medication without his or her approval.

_______________________________________________________

Learn More About It

Robert Gold, RPh, MBA
Author of Are Your Meds Making You Sick?
www.areyourmedsmakingyousick.com

Paul Goebel, PharmD
Kennedy Health System
www.kennedyhealth.org

Sandra Moore, PharmD
Lourdes Health System
www.lourdesnet.org

Diane M. Pascu, RPh, MBA, BCPS
Virtua Health System
www.virtua.org

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Helpful FDA Resources

MedWatch: Where you can report your own adverse reactions: www.fda.gov/Safety/MedWatch

My Medicine Record: A PDF that you can type into and print out: www.fda.gov/Drugs/ResourcesForYou/ucm079489.htm

MedWatch E-list: Subscribe for the latest drug and medical device safety alerts: www.fda.gov/Safety/MedWatch/ucm168422.htm

By Theresa Wright, PhD

Baby Boomers are turning 50 at an estimated rate of one every 8 seconds. That’s more than 12,000 a day! For generations of women before us, it used to be that when you reached “the change of life,” your life stopped changing. The 50s were defined by retirement, rocking chairs and grandchildren.

The face of 50 is changing. I mean that both literally and figuratively. Baby Boomers can expect to live well into their 80s and 90s, remaining healthy, happy and active. Women today are custom-designing their lives and their futures. We are in the unique position of creating and enjoying many opportunities, and we’re not looking at the end of our careers but the beginning of new ones. We are pursuing job promotions, college educations and financial security. Many women in their 50s are actively parenting young children. The face of 50 is certainly not what it used to be.

The 50s signal transition because of events and experiences most of us share during this decade. Menopause tops the list, marking the end of our reproductive life. Empty nest syndrome, as children grow up and out of the home, has been known to evoke fear and sadness. A woman may struggle with a sense of purposelessness, especially if her identity has been defined and enveloped in her role as a mother. A search for significance often arises from these developmental crises.

Gail Sheehy, author of New Passages, describes this time as a second adulthood, a period of “mastering” our lives.  This is the time to take inventory of ourselves, explore different dimensions such as our spirituality, and strive for individual achievements, self improvement and personal growth.  Baby Boomers have often been referred to as the “Me Generation,” and guess what? It’s time for YOU!

Women can and do wear their 50s with confidence. As we get older, we develop a new definition of attractiveness in which we recognize the value of integrating our life experiences—and that creates confidence, self assurance and wisdom. Beauty is not about recapturing our youth, but rather being and looking our best. If a woman becomes obsessed with looking young and focusing on physical flaws, she is wasting precious energy she could spend on evolving into the incredible woman she is capable of being today.

I recently attended a fundraiser with my best friend of 45 years. A woman approached our table and was conversing with our group. During the exchange, she revealed that she is 50 years old and has a young child. Our immediate response was to look at each other and whisper in amazement, “Wow, she doesn’t look 50.” The fact of the matter was that we were not referring to her youthful appearance. We were responding to her energy, enthusiasm, approachability and friendliness. As we age and acquire life experiences, we develop an ease in relating to others. This ability to connect with others is a valuable gift we can only receive through having life experiences.

There is truth to the saying, “You are only as old as you feel.” Do not underestimate the power of your perceptions and thoughts. If you tell yourself that life in your 50s is a decade of decline, then trust me when I tell you that is exactly what you will create for yourself. By telling yourself this story, you are giving yourself permission to lead a sedentary and shapeless existence.

Life at 50 is liberating!  Many women in their 50s report they are in better physical shape than they have been in years. It is so important that we invite physical activity into our lives. We have so many options, including yoga, going to a wide variety of gyms, tennis, swimming, Tai Chi etc. You are in a position now to devote time and energy into participating in an activity that suits your lifestyle.

As a group, Baby Boomers like to try new things. And we have so much more available to us now, including the financial means to venture out and pursue interests in travel, learn an instrument, and participate in community and/or political arenas. The friendships that were once relegated to phone calls and occasional ladies’ nights out because of family and early career demands, can now take a central position in our lives. We now have the time and space to nourish authentic, honest friendships. For many women, there is financial freedom that allows for trips and new adventures with friends and spouses.

I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming…suddenly you find—at the age of 50, say—that a whole new life has opened up before you.
–Agatha Christie

For my 50th birthday this year, I will not be taking a cruise, driving a new car or wearing a fancy new bauble. In honor of my 50th birthday, I am giving myself the gift of health and longevity. I have enrolled in a rigorous comprehensive wellness program designed to educate and train me on how to live a healthy life. I will continue to age; however, the manner in which I choose to do it will be up to me.

50 is not the new 30 or even the new 40.

50 is the new 50!

________________________________________________________

Theresa Wright, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice with o•ffices in Mt. Laurel and Colts Neck, NJ. She has worked in the mental health field for over 20 years. She received her Ph.D. from Temple University and works with diverse populations and age groups.

Sex, Lies and Identity Theft

By Rosalind Warren

I just got an email from a British website telling me they couldn’t ship me the porn I’d ordered because they were unable to verify my credit card information. My smut would be on its way, they assured me, the moment I got back to them with a valid credit card. A copy of the order was included. Someone using my email address had ordered a dozen DVDs about “bad busty girls” to be shipped to “me.” At an address in England.

The idea that someone out there is claiming to be me is unpleasant enough. But their claiming to be a porn-craving Roz Warren is extra creepy. Why couldn’t they be trying to purchase Masterpiece Theatre DVDs? Or gourmet cat food? What about making a generous donation to Planned Parenthood? I could almost get behind a crook who stole my identity in order to make the large charitable donations I’m too frugal to make myself. But bad busty girls? Give me a break.

Years ago, my mother’s wallet was stolen. Mom’s evil twin took her credit cards to the airport and proceeded to circle the globe, staying at lavish resort hotels and eating gourmet meals. Knowing she didn’t have to pay for any of it, my mother, a frugal suburban housewife, got a kick out of reading the monthly statements describing “her” fabulous new life of luxury world travel. That’s the only silver lining of identity theft—it reminds you that there’s more than one way to live your life.

Did knowing that her Evil Twin was following her bliss inspire Mom to live it up a little herself? You bet it did. Thinking of her doppelganger sipping champagne on the Riviera made it a little easier for Mom to splurge on a new dress, or treat her pals to lunch at a good restaurant. Sure, she’d have to pay the piper herself, but why let her Evil Twin have all the fun?

That’s what makes Fake Roz so disappointing. No jet-setter wannabe, she’s just another porn-seeking perv. There’s no way her choices are going to challenge me to expand my horizons. At least, I certainly hope not.

I’ve replaced my credit card, put a fraud alert on my credit report and asked the porn site to cancel the busty gals. I’ve also mailed a copy of feminist scholar Andrea Dworkin’s book “Pornography” to Fake Roz at that address in England. She’ll eagerly open the package, expecting bad girls with big boobs, and instead she’ll get an angry woman with a big brain.

Suck on that, Evil Twin!

CREDIT LINE: This essay was originally published on www.skirt.com and is reprinted here with permission from the author.

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Roz Warren is a Philadelphia-based writer whose work has appeared in The Funny Times and on the websites Women’s Voices for Change and Metropolis/Voxpop. Roz’s website is www.rosalindwarren.com.

The diagnosis of ADHD didn’t exist when we were in school, but that doesn’t mean the disorder didn’t exist.

By Jackie Pantaliano

Do you…

• Procrastinate and have difficulty focusing on low interest tasks?
• Hyper-focus so much on high interest tasks you struggle to stop?
• Have poor time sense, frequently underestimating how long it will take to do something, and typically run late?
• Have difficulty organizing things?
• Frequently interrupt others’ conversations because you’re afraid you’ll forget what you were going to say?
• Move from task to task, depending on what catches your eye or attention, rather than following priorities?

If you checked most of those boxes, there’s a good chance you have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

Many of us shared a classroom with someone the teacher accused of being lazy or inattentive. In the 50s and 60s, no one had ever heard of ADHD. But looking back, we realize that the boy in class who daydreamed, most likely had the disorder—one that doesn’t magically disappear upon reaching maturity.

Today, many adults discover they have ADHD when their children are diagnosed, and they recognize themselves in the checklists of symptoms.

According to a study by the National Resource Center on ADHD, women have only recently begun to be diagnosed and treated. They also appear to experience more psychological distress and have lower self-image than men with ADHD.

Professional organizing coach Ellen Faye of Ellen Faye Organization in Cherry Hill says her female clients with ADHD have tremendous gifts, but feel bad about themselves because they have organizing difficulties. “Most of them are incredibly creative and successful, and that’s where their focus should be.”

According to Faye, her ADHD clients need more support with planning, scheduling, prioritizing and making decisions than others. “Clients with ADHD need more repetition to develop new habits, reach their goals and create the lives they envision,” she says. “How long it takes to integrate new practices into the brain depends on age and the severity of the disorder.”

A Certified Organizing Coach and Certified Professional Organizer, Faye went through extensive training. But nothing prepared her for what happened after suffering a concussion. She recalls walking into her kitchen, where she’d left half a sandwich on the counter. Her cabinets and dishwasher were open, too. “This was completely unlike me,” she says. “I’m methodically ruthless about returning things where they belong and finishing tasks.”  During her recovery, she simply didn’t have the patience to complete such tasks. As a result, she earned a deeper level of compassion for her clients with ADHD.

Linda Karanzalis, MS, a Baby Boomer with ADHD who founded ADDvantages Learning Center in Cherry Hill, describes women with ADHD as Amazing, Determined and Dynamic. She cautions however, “While the disorder is variable in individuals—with many success stories—ADHD is a serious disorder for many. There are individuals who are unable to hold a job or be in a relationship.”

Karanzalis is one of the success stories. A NJ certified K-12 special education teacher, she is also the leader and founding member of CHADD’s Southern NJ chapter. CHADD is a national, non-profit organization for children, parents and adults with ADHD. She blogs for the “Ask the Expert” page of ADDitude Magazine, and has launched her own blog, ADDagirl, for women with ADHD.

“We live in such a fast-paced society, many people look like they have ADHD but may not,” she says. Instead, those with ADHD do not possess “pre-planning ability or executive function skills to effectively handle tasks considered routine by others, such as packing for a trip. They tend to be up all night before traveling, doing laundry, ironing and packing, while struggling to decide what to bring.”

Linda Barniskis, M.Ed., has specialized in treating children and adults with attention deficits since 1979 with husband Ed, who like Linda, has ADHD. The Barniskises are also parents of two sons with ADHD. Together, the couple co-founded Barniskis-Marc, Inc. in Marlton, an educational services provider.

The biggest difference they’ve found in coaching children versus adults with ADHD is that adults obviously have more to manage on their own, especially women.
Says Linda, “When a person with ADHD is married to someone who doesn’t have it, the spouse with ADHD tends to lean on the non-ADHD spouse who becomes a parental figure regarding organizing and time management. Often, the non-ADHD spouse becomes overwhelmed, frustrated and resentful. With understanding about the diagnosis, things tend to improve, but if the ADHD spouse doesn’t stick with agreed-upon changes, the non-ADHD spouse tends to get angry. Frustration leads to depression and anxiety for both partners.”

She believes that frequent coaching and building on tiny successes are critical, as is delegating challenging tasks, plus, “you should always put your energies towards your strengths.” She shares a list of just some of the positive traits of ADHD, developed by members of the ADDventure Adult Support Group she and Ed formerly led:

• Artistic
• Intelligent
• Persistent
• Courageous
• High Energy
• Intuitive

In recent years, scientists have discovered the plasticity of the brain to make changes at any age. Linda Karanzalis supports these findings, saying her learning center’s focus is on retraining the brain. That involves mental exercise training such as the Stroop test, in which individuals must quickly respond to questions in which the directions keep changing and getting harder. For example, a person is first asked to read the word red, but it’s in blue ink. Next the participant needs to read the actual colors of the words and not what the words say. “These mental exercises create new pathways in the brain.” Karanzalis provides immediate feedback. Participants are corrected as soon as they make mistakes and eventually start to self-correct.

A different description of brain training is described by Dr. Robert Melillo, creator and cofounder of Brain Balance Centers, and author of the books Disconnected Kids and Reconnected Kids. Melillo, a chiropractic neurologist, professor and researcher on childhood neurological disorders, has been a clinician for 25 years, and has developed his brain balance program in the last five years. While more experienced with children, he has worked with adults and believes it’s never too late to balance the brain.

Melillos’ multi-modal approach is individualized, depending on which brain deficiencies are identified, and can include changes in diet and specific physical, sensory, cognitive and motor exercises to coordinate both sides of the body and brain. The program includes exercises in which people have to inhibit their natural impulses. He cautions that if a participant doesn’t change habits and lifestyle, everything will go back to the way it was.

So whether you’ve grown up with ADHD or just discovered you actually have the disorder, the reality is there’s hope and help for you.
________________________________________________________

Learn More About It

Linda Barniskis, M.Ed
www.barniskis-marc.com

Ellen Faye, COC, CPO
www.ellenfayeorganization.com

Linda Karanzalis, MS
www.addvantageslearningcenter.com
http://www.addagirlcom.blogspot.com/

Dr. Robert Melillo
www.brainbalancecenters.com

CHADD of South Jersey meets the last Monday
of each month at 7 pm at the Cherry Hill Library.
www.meetup.com/CHADD-of-South-Jersey
________________________________________________________

Famous People with ADD/LD*

Ann Bancroft

Harry Belafonte

James Carville

Cher

Walt Disney

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Danny Glover

Whoopi Goldberg

Salma Hayak

Dustin Hoffman

“Magic” Johnson

John Lennon

Carl Lewis

Michael Phelps

Pierre Salinger

Tom Smothers

Sylvester Stallone

Robin Williams

Henry Winkler

Stevie Wonder

*LD: Learning Disability

Created by members of the Barniskis-Marc, Inc. ADDventure Adult Support Group, Marlton.

Jackie Pantaliano is a freelance writer and owner of ImPRessions, LLC in Voorhees (www.impressionspr.net), a national PR firm. She is the former 4-year leader of the Camden/Burlington County Chapter of ASPEN, the proud mom of Steven, stepmom to three adults, dog mom to two pooches, and wife of Bob for 22 years. She can be reached at jackiep@impressionspr.net.

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Managing Adult ADHD

Our experts offer these tips to adults with ADHD. They can be easily instituted with the addition of exercise, a healthy diet and medication, if needed:

Dr. Robert Melillo:

• Take significant breaks from cell phones, texting, email, social media and TV.
• Move, move, move. The more complex the movements, the better. People with ADHD tend to have poor balance (as do older women), low muscle tone and poor spatial awareness. When you stop moving, you lose brain growth.
• Follow a healthy diet. Most diseases today are caused by lifestyle choices.
• Remember it’s never too late to make changes

Linda Karanzalis:

• Use headphones to eliminate distractions
• Pay bills online
• Buy multiple pairs of the same socks, so they all match
• Stock up on non-perishables to minimize shopping time which can overwhelm individuals with ADHD
• Simplify as much as possible. Buy slice-and-bake or prepared cookies, for example.
• Finally, remember you are not a label; you are a person.

Linda Barniskis:

• Follow the “Once in a Room Only” strategy. As soon as you stand up, turn and make your bed. When you’re in the bathroom, do all your routines, knowing that once you leave the bathroom, bedroom or kitchen you can’t return.
• Visualize yourself getting up in the morning on time and saying “I can’t wait to do thus and such.” Close your eyes and walk through the steps.  For those who can’t visualize, write the steps.
• Practice relaxation techniques, such as yoga and meditation, even if it’s just three slow breaths in and out when you feel stressed.
• Feel comfortable with yourself. Don’t be afraid to say, “I have a working memory problem, so I need to write this down.”

Ellen Faye:

• Only have one calendar. Keep tasks separate.
  Create a system for managing tasks by prioritizing them into level of importance (what will happen if they don’t get done) and time-sensitivity
  Clear your desk of everything but the item you’re working on
  If you need help deciding what papers to file or toss, ask yourself: What’s the worst thing that would happen if I never saw this again? If I needed it again, could I get it somewhere else, and if I kept it, would I even think to look for it?
  Focus on the 20% that gives you 80% of the results

Portion Control at its Most Delicious

How cool is this? Muffin-sized meals! They’re healthy, easy and flavorful. Brette Sember wrote The Muffin Tin Cookbook with Melinda Boyd, a registered dietician focusing on weight management. Includes recipes like: Shrimp Risotto, Mango Tandoori Chicken and Tilapia Florentine. Published by Adams, an imprint of F+W Media. www.adamsmediastore.com/the-muffin-tin-cookbook, $17.95.

Where is an Apple Considered Strange Fruit?

In this newly released DVD! Strange Fruit: The Beatles’ Apple Records is a documentary that tells the story of a record label that came about under extraordinary circumstances and produced extraordinary records. Interviews with members of Badfinger, Beatles expert Chris Ingham and others; plus archived footage, rare photos and music. www.seeofsound.com/p.php?s=SIDVD570, $14.96.

What Don’t They Do?

The new FridgeX Tomato & Onion storage containers are not only adorable, they preserve your veggies! In bright yellow and orange, these super cute additions to your kitchen can even be used for baking, as they’re non-stick and able to withstand heat of up to 430 degrees. www.FridgeX.com, $24.99.

It’s Tee Time!

The Seaside Collection of golf-inspired jewelry from Sporty Chic Designs lets women show their love of the game on or off the green! Each bracelet is adorned with semi-precious stones, each features golf accents in gold or silver. Driftwood/yellow, Clamshell/purple, Seagrass/green and Splash/blue. www.sportychicdesigns.com, $69 & under.

Candles Never Felt SOI Good

SOI candles are made from 100% all-natural soy oil, offering clean, soot-free burning that lasts longer than wax candles. And best of all, the melted soy oil can be used as skin moisturizer and help remedy sunburn, eczema, psoriasis and poison oak. Over 30 scents in a variety of sizes. www.thesoico.com, $24.95 & under.

A Beautiful Way to Support Autism Awareness

Designer Debbie Brooks has created this magnificent handbag with a praiseworthy purpose—10% of proceeds from its sales are donated directly to Autism Speaks. The clutch is hand-silkscreened, embellished with diamond dust, encapsulated in artisan-grade acrylic and adorned with Swarovski crystals. A detachable silver snake lace chain folds inside when not in use.  www.debbiebrooks.com, $368.

By Tobi Schwartz-Cassell

Is this the little girl I carried? Is this the little boy at play?
I don’t remember growing older…when did they?

Song Lyrics to “Sunrise, Sunset”

We’ve all heard these lyrics from Fiddler on the Roof, but before you know it, it could be your little girl or boy marching down the aisle! Whether you’re the Mother-of-the-Bride (MOB), Mother-of-the-Groom (MOG) or simply prefer the generic Mother-of-the-Wedding (MOW), you’re in for some planning in the next several months or years, and Girlfriendz Magazine is here to help with advice from the experts.

Penina Gould
Fashions by Penina, Marlton
www.fashionsbypenina.com

Try not to bring too many people with you to shop. Of course you value their opinions, but it can easily become overwhelming and lead to confusion. Ultimately, the decision is yours!

Be open-minded as to style and even color (if possible); you might be surprised at what a specialty store such as ours might suggest that you hadn’t even considered. For ideas, do some research beforehand, and give yourself enough time to really “fall in love” with that perfect dress. Start early!

We have won awards for excellent customer service, comfortable pricing and convenient (no fee) layaway. Plus, we have unique collections unavailable to other specialty stores, and surely not to be found in department stores. Best of all, most of our choices can be worn again to future affairs and galas following the big day!

Marlene Gagliardi
Marlene’s Dress Shop, Collingswood
www.marlenesdressshop.com

Shop early. It could take 2 to 3 months to get the style and color gown you want if we don’t have it in your size. Come prepared to spend at least two hours trying on different dresses. Once we see you in a few styles, we will know exactly what will make you look your best for your special event. Make sure you know what the bridesmaids’ colors are so you can choose a complementary color for your gown.

Not only do we carry the country’s top designers, we also now offer wigs! You’ll be amazed at how natural they look, how easy they are to wear, and the innovative styles now available. Join us for our “Wig Parties” throughout the year! Sign up for emails at our website.

Dr. Mike Lanzilotta
South Jersey Spine Center and Weight Loss Clinic, Medford
www.southjerseyspinecenter.com

As the MOW, you must look good but not better than the bride.

Write a toast. Whether it’s for the rehearsal dinner or the reception, your words will make a lasting memory.

Make a promise to yourself as a parent that you’ll keep the wishes of the bride and groom paramount. It’s easy to fall into a heightened state and want more of your ideas included. Know the difference between making suggestions and forcing your opinion.

Feel as good as you look with our ChiroTHIN Doctor Supervised Weight Loss Program. You can lose up to 30 pounds in 42 days. Perfect for upcoming weddings.

Charles L. Dietzek, DO, FACOS
The Vein & Vascular Institute, Voorhees, Sewell, Swedesboro and Vineland
www.veinvascular.com
As the proud day approaches to witness your child getting married, you want to look and feel your best. So as you mingle and dance the day or night away, please don’t let those painful, swollen varicose veins or unsightly spider veins get in the way of a fairy tale event. The Vein & Vascular Institute, using state of the art, minimally invasive office procedures performed by Board Certified Vascular and Vein Specialists, can treat those veins in 15 to 30 minutes. And most varicose vein treatments are covered by insurance. After all, you deserve it!

Stephen J. Markus, DMD
The Centre for Dentistry at Haddon, Haddon Heights
www.SmileSouthJersey.com

You’re going to be in pictures next to someone wearing a white gown, and yellow teeth look even yellower to white. The photographer will tell you to take your hand down from in front of the lower half of your face, and when you do that, he’ll try to make you smile. Why not have a smile as nice as your gown?

I have been a cosmetic dentist since 1979 and my team and I replace dental work that looks like “Chicklets,” with artist-designed porcelain. We also provide a 15-year warranty on our porcelain laminate veneers which is unheard of in our industry.

Christine Kovnat
Studio K Photography, Cherry Hill
www.studioknj.com

Photography is a touchy subject for many mothers because today’s photographic style caters to the bride’s more modern tastes. Giving mom that heirloom keepsake she’s been waiting for isn’t always a bride’s priority. So it’s really important to ask your daughter if the photographer will be shooting formals as well as the editorial and fashion portraits she envisions.

It’s also common now for the bride and groom to give their parents a clone copy of their album because it’s easier and sometimes more affordable. Unfortunately, that ends up being disappointing for the parents because the clones typically don’t include the photos they were hoping for. Find out if you can make your own album instead of getting a clone. Our studio offers many options for parent albums including small custom books.

If your daughter didn’t get an album and chose to purchase a disk with print rights, make sure you get the pictures you want before the disk sits on a shelf and collects dust. We also offer design services for people who forgot to make their album or didn’t like their photographer and don’t want to work with him or her any longer.

Lynda Kane
Aenigma Jewelry, Collingswood
www.aenigmajewelry.com

There really is no particular trend I follow other than finding a look to fit the bride’s or MOW’s style. However, large chandelier crystal earrings always make a beautiful statement.

Aenigma offers an exquisite collection of handmade bridal jewelry including pieces for MOWs and the bridal party. Many of our pieces are one-of-a-kind. Private appointments are available as is complimentary gift wrap.

Lois DeBello
Incredible Edibles & The Chocolate Suite, Cherry Hill
www.incredibleedibles.net

Relax, enjoy the moment and realize what a great job you did in raising your children.

Besides being the store “where fruit becomes flowers,” we also own and operate The Chocolate Suite, where we create themed centerpieces, party favors and beautiful candy buffets.

Andee Saper
More Than Gifts, Marlton
www.morethangiftsmarlton.com

Stay calm—someone needs to be the rational one. Go with your heart. You know your child better than anyone, so don’t allow anyone to spoil his or her special day. And enjoy your child enjoying his/her day! Get excited for them! They sense and second guess themselves during the process, so be their rock.

More than just a gift store, More Than Gifts houses Classy Little Bride, a store within a store that offers invitations, bride & groom flip flops, Emergency Kits for the wedding party and so much more. Our goal is to go beyond excellent customer service. We want everything we send out to have that WOW factor and we want our clients to be unconditionally satisfied.

Michele Stander
Mixellaneous, Marlton
www.discoverthemix.com

We see lots of MOWs’ best friends, sisters and even their moms who want to give them a nice memento as this is a special and very emotional day for them too. We have some things that I love, love, love for this occasion like Emergency Kits for the bride, MOB, MOG and the groom for $25. They contain all types of things you would need for the big day: aspirin, tissues, breath mints, sewing kit, etc. I think there are about 30 items in them! We also just started carrying awesome personalized frames that can be special ordered starting at $39. These specialty items are definitely budget-friendly.

Michael Bruce
Michael Bruce Florist, Collingswood
www.michaelbruceflorist.com

Interestingly, more than 80% of my mothers do not want to have flowers for themselves, and have expressed that to their daughter prior to coming in. My comment immediately puts them at ease—“There are no rules”—and it subtly indicates that I am not here to “get as much money out of you as I can.”

As it turns out, the actual cost of the flower for a mother is $45 (yes, x2 = $90) but it is small change compared to the rest of the expenditure. They are relieved to hear my approach and I am viewed as fair (a good place to be when discussing funds).

In terms of the bride, we’re finding that the trend continues toward smaller more detailed bridal bouquets to accent the dress, not compete with it.

Tracy Eck
McGarry’s Jewelers, Collingswood
www.mcgarrys.com

Let us help you accessorize for the big day. Instead of faux jewelry, consider fine jewelry. We’ll find you a reasonable alternative in precious metal or create a unique piece just for you. We invite you to bring your wedding jewelry into our shop to be polished for the big day.

For over 150 years, McGarry’s has been hand-making beautiful wedding jewelry. And now we’re featuring 20% off all wedding-related jewelry, just for Girlfriendz Magazine readers. Mention Girlfriendz or bring in this issue for your discount.

Elaine Long, Dir of Sales & Marketing
Camden County Boathouse, Pennsauken
www.camdencountyboathouse.com

It’s the bride’s day. Let her take the lead when it comes to planning. If you have an idea, speak up when the time comes.

Be supportive. Listen to the bride’s ideas and compliment her as much as possible. Help her with the details. It can all be very overwhelming for one person to do alone.

Our spacious ballroom offers beautifully detailed architecture. The floor-to-ceiling windows and wrap-around outdoor deck offer dramatic views of the river, the Philadelphia skyline and the spectacular sunsets over the Cooper River.

Lucy Illiano
Illiano Cucina, Medford
www.illianocucina.com

With all the out-of-town company coming in, you’re going to want to keep your house neat and presentable. So if you’re throwing the rehearsal dinner, consider leaving the stress and the mess to us. Our restaurant can accommodate up to 50 people in our semi-private dining room.

Or, host your family and we’ll cater it with our fresh Italian specialties. Celebrate with us and savor a meal you won’t soon forget.

Sharon Hammel
Director of Relationship Banking
Beneficial Bank
609.589.1330

It’s imperative for MOWs to establish a financial plan and set a realistic budget before wedding planning begins. You want to give your son or daughter the wedding of their dreams, but you must also determine the financial commitment you are able to make, and stick to it. Encourage the bride and groom to create a detailed budget for all of their wedding expenses and don’t be tempted by up-selling. An extra few hundred dollars here and there can quickly add up and blow a reasonable budget.

Use cash or a debit card on wedding expenses wherever possible to avoid racking up interest fees and credit card debt. If you have to use a credit card, use it like cash by paying the total balance each month and never make a late payment.

You’ve invested a significant amount in your child’s wedding day, but what happens if you’re faced with an unfortunate circumstance beyond your control? Consider purchasing wedding insurance to cover event cancellations or postponements, lost deposits, no-show vendors, lost photographs and even damage to the wedding gown. It’ll give you peace of mind and protect your financial security.

The Promenade at Sagemore stores, Marlton:

White House/Black Market
856-988-1688

A wedding theme may give clues to a style to pick. We provide one-on-one outstanding customer service, bringing dresses and accessories together to save you time and remove the guesswork.

J.Crew
856-988-9046

We have personal shoppers to assist with styling, from jewelry to bride and groom honeymoon outfits. Our cute flat shoes are good choices to switch into for dancing.

Francesca’s Collections
856-983-1146

We offer an array of gift ideas for the wedding party from home décor items to unique jewelry and fashion accessories including our beautiful clutches.

BRIO Tuscan Grille
856-983-0277

Our banquet room fits up to 50 guests for wonderful rehearsal dinners.

Anthropologie
856-596-4507

Don’t be afraid of bright colors. What’s important is the color you feel best in. We offer unique jewelry, gift ideas, lingerie, honeymoon and travel clothes, and perfumes.

Ann Taylor
856-797-3401

We offer stunning ensembles of jewelry and cocktail dresses, with long gowns available online.

Blue Mercury 2
856-985-9226

Skincare and makeup consultants are available in-store for expert advice and trial runs.

Sur la Table
856-797-0098

Start building the MOW relationship now with fun private cooking classes, or hold a private event in our in-store professional culinary kitchen. Of course we have a registry service as well.

Talbots
856-596-1836

We offer beautiful classic silk separates and a full selection of shoes and accessories. You can make an appointment with one of our stylists too.

Suede Salon Spa & Body
856-985-0700

The full beauty treatment—hair, makeup and nails! Ask about our Bridal Party Packages.

Kate Murphy, CTA, Owner
Wings Travel, 6 locations
www.wingstrips.com

Just as the bride and groom look toward their honeymoon as a way to reward themselves for putting together the wedding of the decade, so too should the parents have plans in place to whisk themselves away for some quality vacation time celebrating the successful culmination of “bringing up baby.”

“The Wedding is Over”…moon is the well-deserved vacation that mom and dad can look forward to once the insanity of even the smallest wedding is finally complete. It’s the well-deserved vacation awaiting you as a “thank you” for biting your tongue when you needed to, being excited about that “perfect shade of peach rose,” and completing all the tasks successfully at your “soon to be married” child’s request. For all of that and so much more, this trip’s for you!